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A post shared by Angelina Fabian (@angelina_fabian)

Due to my past trauma, I was always hiding. I was suppressing my strength, my power, and suppressing my FEMININITY. I was so afraid to be seen. So afraid to get the attention that would hurt me again. Over the last 12 years, I have been doing a deep dive into healing all the trauma that I have experienced. Psychological abuse, physical violence, sexual abuse, rape, and narcissistic abuse, just to name a few … 😉 I was suicidal at 21. I had too much pain in my bones and my soul. I felt broken into 1000 pieces. And did not know how to heal. I was cut off from myself, and I hated myself and my body. I have had an eating disorder since I was 12, and I was hurting myself to trigger the fight-and-flight response in my body to numb my mental pain in the freeze state that was induced through hurting myself. 

I was totally incapable to have orgasms.  Yes, sex is an important and natural part of life. Sex is how we create life, and we should not be ashamed to talk about it. Shame is conditioning and was induced through distorted religion and distorted spirituality. Thus we live in a society that is underfuc*ed and over-sexualized. But that is a topic for another post 😉

I did not know where my place was in the beautiful totality of life. And life seemed like a perpetual neverending painful crisis and struggle. I did not trust myself, was cut from my instinct, struggled financially, and fell prey to abusive men that were psychologically and sexually abusive. I was so desperate and did not know what to do, who to be, or where to go to heal. And I tried so much, and nothing fuc*ing helped … 

Until … 

Until, around 12 years ago, I discovered the ORIGINAL Human Design System and trauma release work with Tapping. Those two helped me so much to decondition my cells and my bones from faulty conditioning, metabolize trauma, and feel EMPOWERED and strong again.
Loving life, loving myself, loving my body. And life is very good to me. 
By releasing my trauma through tapping AND discovering my unique badass Human Design and starting to live according to my genetic Strategy and Authority, I slowly but surely regained my strength, my power, my big mouth, and my big fat ego, that I love so much about me, but also my gentleness, kindness, softness, deep empathy and FEMININITY. 
I love to be a woman. I love to be feminine. I love to be me. 

I have found my slot tribe, people who love me the way I am … That is so sweet and so healing. Relationships where I can be simply myself. No hiding, no twisting like a damn pretzel to be loved but never receive love, no suppressing my “inner Bambi” that I have been in my childhood and that was covered in the mud of trauma. But releasing my inner sweet sweet Bambi, which is joyful, cheeky, and so full of vibrant life.  

At times I feel so much bubbling joy inside me being a Generator, where I feel that happiness is pumping through my veins. Where I feel literally ecstasy in my cells and in my being… Mmmmh, so delicious … And other times I feel such a deep peace in my soul surrender to the Here in and Now… And I am not exaggerating. My deepest feeling is that life IS truly ecstatic when we metabolize trapped trauma and follow our genetic Strategy and Authority. 

I love myself so deeply. I love my body. I love my sexuality. 

I have freed my sexuality from all the rape and sexual abuse and trauma. And o ladies, we have no clue how powerful and beautiful our sexuality can be … Do you know that you can have multiple orgasms, that can last for hours … Well, I was able to unleash and discover the … of my sexuality … And I experienced 125 Orgasms in a row … 😉 nope, I am not joking! Going from being “anorgasmic” to 125 Orgasms in 2 hours… Well, it was very blissful, to say the least … 

BTW, dear men, multiple orgasms are also possible for you. Sex is a skill like writing or speaking, you can learn that! We all can 😉
I am so grateful that Trauma Release through Tapping and the ORIGINAL Human Design System came into my life and helped me to rise like a Phoenix … Thank you, life, you are so good to me. 

So dear woman, you are a force of creation. Allow yourself to unleash who you are, to surrender to your true self. Healing your past wounds and aligning yourself through Strategy and Authority. Allow yourself to feel your inner UNIQUE power, unleash your potential and rise and in consequence find your place in the symphony of life 
And dear mean, the same is possible for you … Heal your past pain, don’t put it under the carpet to be “strong” but allow yourself to be vulnerable, to get the help that you need, because we all need support, simply because we are human … And discover your purpose in life and take roots in our healthy masculinity …